Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

Family life

Happy News

By

As spring blossoms around us, we’re anticipating an exciting change for our little family. We’re expecting another baby, due at the end of August.

It feels entirely different than the first time, mostly because there’s much less research and preparation involved this go around. We already have an amazing team of midwives, who we’re thrilled to be working with again.

We took a minimalist approach to baby gear last time and found that we had everything we needed, so we’re planning to do the same this time. And since we waited to find out our son’s gender until the big day (and we’re planning to do that again this time), we’re well-stocked with gender-neutral newborn apparel.

Really, all there seems to be to do is wait, mull over names, and devise strategies for keeping up with two little people. Apparently other people are doing it, so at least we know it’s theoretically possible.

5 Tension Tamers for Your Holiday Gathering

By

Do the holidays bring you more anxiety than joy? Do verging political views, differing lifestyle choices, or rivalries make your family holiday gatherings feel like a bed of dry tinder ready to spark? You’re not alone. Last year 90 percent of participants in a nation-wide “Holiday Stress Index” survey said the holidays cause them stress and anxiety, and 77 percent said conflict is an inevitable part of their holiday gatherings.

As much as we love them, family members can be an incredible source of tension, especially this time of year, when fantasies about perfect holidays can come into a collision course with reality – at the dinner table.

If you’re expecting more protraction than pleasure at your holiday gathering, here are a few surefire tension tamers:

1. Serve something soothing

Some herbalists call lemon balm the “herb of good cheer”. A friend of mine swears that every time she serves it to her difficult mother-in-law, within an hour, they’re getting along great. It may be worth a try. Lemon balm eases stress and anxiety, aids digestion, assuages head-aches, and increases concentration. In other words, it’s the perfect drink for a tense holiday gathering. You can buy it in bags or in the bulk section of most health food stores.

Other good bets: oat straw, chamomile, or catnip.

2. Replace competitive board games

If your sister-in-law is more competitive than Vince Lombardi, or your annual game of charades always leaves someone in tears, it might be time to introduce entertainment that encourages a more harmonious spirit. Family Pastimes, a Canadian company, sells board games that foster co-operation and teamwork. They’re challenging, but everyone works together toward a goal rather than going head-to-head against each other.

Conversation starter cards are another way to encourage civility instead of conflict. Each card has a provocative question to jump-start lively dialogue. You can buy them here. Or you can make them yourself. Here are a few samples, to give you an idea of the kind of open-ended questions you’ll want to ask.

3. Introduce humor

In 1979 Norman Cousins was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a rare debilitating disease, and he was given almost no chance to live. But he recovered with his own self-created therapy. His medicine? Laughter. He watched Marx Brothers comedies, “Candid Camera”, and other goof-ball comedies. He documented that a ten-minute belly laugh gave him two hours of pain-free sleep. Now just imagine what it could do for your stressful holiday gathering. Ask everyone to bring a joke. Tell funny stories. Watch a funny movie. Laugh.

4. Get outside

Numerous studies show that viewing or getting out into nature helps us relieve stress. In one study, surgical patients randomly assigned to a room with a view of trees required less pain medicine, healed faster, and were discharged sooner. So after dinner, why not head outside for a relaxing walk around the neighborhood? You’ll probably all feel better when you get home.

5. Simplify gift-giving

What was the biggest source of stress for participants in that “Holiday Stress Index” survey? You guessed it. Gift-giving. Fifty-six percent of people said they feel cash-strapped around the holidays. If gift-giving is something you dread, or if it feels like it’s a competitive sport in your family to see who can spend the most, simplifying your gift-giving tradition will probably relieve a lot of tension. Paring down the presents doesn’t have to feel like deprivation. There are lots of fun and creative alternatives to traditional gift-giving. Last week, I shared 10 ideas here.

Warning: you’ll probably want to suggest any big changes to your gift-giving tradition for next year, since some people finish their Christmas shopping before now (or at least that’s what I’ve been told).

More thoughts on this subject:

6 Fun Ways To Spend a Cold, Dark Night

By

I love cold weather, but the shorter days are always difficult for me to adjust to. Over the years I’ve stored up a toolbox of activities to make cold, winter nights more fun. I find myself especially in need of them in the days and weeks after the time changes.

1. Eat by candlelight

We didn’t light a lot of candles in my house when I was growing up, but occasionally we’d eat by candlelight. Those nights, along with random power outages, are some of my happiest memories. Flickering soft light just makes any dinner more special. My family also eats by candlelight now and then. And every time we do it, it’s as fun and uplifting as I remember it being when I was a kid. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to rush when you’re watching the reflection of flames dance on glasses.

2. Start a fire

There’s so much to love about a winter fire – the warmth, the mesmerizing flames, the way it brings the entire family together in one spot to look at something other than a TV screen. Bonus: you may not have to turn on your heater to enjoy toasty nights.

3. Read aloud or tell stories

Years ago, an older friend told me that she and her husband had been reading books aloud to each other each night for decades.  I loved the idea, and since then, my husband and I have read many books aloud together. These days we spend our read-aloud time reading to our kids. But I know soon, we’ll move on to adult books again. There are so many great reasons to start a family reading tradition. I wrote about them in this post.

Storytelling is also a fun way to pass an evening. In Robert Shank’s book Tell Me A Story: Narrative and Intelligence, he explains that “human memory is story-based.” We’ve learned by telling each other stories since long before Homer. If coming up with a fictional yarn sounds more pressure-packed than taking the GRE, don’t worry. Just relax and tell stories about your childhood, grandparents, or past adventures. If you’re a parent, this kind of storytelling serves a bigger purpose: it helps kids recognize their place in a larger family and feel closer to their parents. Most people love listening to stories. And the more you practice, the better you get at telling them.

6 fun ways to spend a cold dark night #winter

4. Throw a potluck

With the extra dose of darkness, we can all probably use double-shots of health and happiness. Well, the research is in: social connectedness is good for us. Researchers from Brigham Young University recently reviewed 148 studies and found that people with strong ties to family, friends or co-workers have a 50 percent lower risk of dying over a given period than those with fewer social connections. As The New York Times reported, “Having few friends or weak social ties to the community is just as harmful to health as being an alcoholic or smoking nearly a pack of cigarettes a day.” Potlucks are a thrifty and labor-saving way to invite your friends, neighbors, or colleagues over. My acquaintances may just be exceptional cooks, but potlucks never seem to disappoint.

5. Stargaze

I wrote about winter stargazing in this post. Shortly thereafter I made bold plans to stargaze every night with my trusty copy of 365 Starry Nights. The first few nights of January, I had a great time scouting out Orion and Pleides. Then it got cloudy. And it stayed cloudy until … July. Yes, rainy Eugene is not a stargazer’s paradise. Oh how I miss the Colorado night skies. But if you live somewhere with few clouds and a dark sky, bundling up and gazing at the stars is an age-old, relaxing way to spend a cold, dark winter night.

6. Make Something with your hands

In her book Lifting Depression, neuroscientist Kelly Lambert argues that using our hands for manual labor helps us prevent and cure depression. She says that when we cook, garden, knit, sew, build, or repair things with our hands and see tangible results from our efforts, our brains are bathed in feel-good chemicals. I just got my knitting needles out after neglecting them for the summer, and it’s incredibly rewarding to see what I can make with my own two hands in a relatively short time (while I’m sitting in front of the fire, listening to a story, watching a movie, or otherwise enjoying a winter evening).

The Color of Springtime is in the flowers, the color of winter is in the imagination. Terri Guillemets #winter #seasons #coldweather

If you liked this post, you may enjoy these related posts:

What’s your favorite way to spend a cold, dark night? Do you have any tips for coping with fewer daylight hours?

Save

Save

Blueberry Picking

By

Today we visited a nearby U-pick farm, and spent a couple of hours picking and eating blueberries. We had a great time, and now we have gallons of fruit for the freezer. Here are a few pictures from our day…

I’ll be taking a brief blogging sabbatical for the rest of this week. But I’ll rerun an article from the archives later in the week, and of course, I’ll be checking in to read comments. See you next week!