Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

Raising Children

How to Raise Kids Who Love to Read

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Novelists Stephen and Tabitha King raised a family of wordsmiths. Their sons Joe and Owen are both published novelists, and their daughter Naomi, a Unitarian minister, writes daily prayers.

When Joe (Hill) published his first novel Heart Shaped Box, he explained why he wanted to join his parents in the storytelling vocation: “It sounds very Victorian, but we would sit around and read aloud nightly, in the living room or on the porch. This was something we kept on doing until I was in high school, at least.”

Gathering the entire family to read aloud probably sounds quaint in an era when some families communicate mostly via text message and others can hardly find time to eat together once a week. But like the King’s our family enjoys read together as a family a few times a week. Here’s why. Reading together has tremendous benefits for both kids and parents. It can:

  • Create lifelong readers

The National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) has surveyed adult reading every year since 1982. In 2012, they reported that only 54 percent of adults in the U.S. had read a book that wasn’t required for work or school during the year.

Kids may learn how to read and write in school, but schools clearly aren’t creating lifelong readers. Books compete with an ever-growing contingent of television shows, video games, and hand-held devices for attention, and the sad reality is, books are losing.

The good news? It’s easy for parents to encourage kids to read for leisure. All we have to do is read! Jim Trelease, author of The Read Aloud Handbook, calls it the “sponge-factor” of education.

“Parents can encourage reading by keeping print books in the home, reading themselves, and setting aside time daily for their children to read,” advises Common Sense Media.

Reading aloud as a family is an excellent way to foster a lifelong love for the written word.

  • Develop focus and listening skills in both parents and kids

“Is Google making us stupid?” Nicholas Carr asked in an Atlantic Monthly article. “Immersing myself in a book or a lengthy article used to be easy. . . . Now my concentration often starts to drift after two or three pages. I get fidgety, lose the thread, begin looking for something else to do.” 

We’re probably all a little too familiar with Carr’s sentiment.

Concentration is a powerful tool. It enables us to work efficiently, stay task-oriented, and enjoy our leisure time. But modern life encourages distraction—from the running news feeds on cable news, to the always-beckoning sirens of email, Facebook, and Twitter, to the skimming paradise that is the Internet.

Don’t be surprised if you find it hard to sit and focus on a story for even a half an hour a day. But practice makes perfect. Reading and listening to others read is a fun way to develop  listening and concentration skills. Our kids, who don’t remember life before the Internet, need to develop and practice these skills even more than we do.

  • Build kids’ literacy skills

Reading with parents exposes kids to materials they might not be able to tackle on their own yet. It helps kids increase vocabulary, work on pronunciation, speak confidently, and gives them a chance to ask questions and build comprehension skills. Reading well is also the foundation of writing well, which might explain why all those King kids are professional writers.

  • Provide more reading and bonding time for families

A family reading tradition allows you to spend more of your day cuddling with the people you love the most and reading.

  • Fuel the imagination

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. . . . Imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution,” Albert Einstein wrote.

Unlike television or video games, reading forces us to paint pictures in our minds. Kids are naturally imaginative and creative, and they’re masters of make-believe.

But a lot of adults are so swamped with the details of daily life that we don’t have time for creativity. Nearly everything around us is the result of someone’s imagination – desks, computers, houses, skyscrapers, sewing machines, novels, clothes, etc. An active imagination is perhaps the most powerful tool we have as humans. Reading every day is a great way to exercise our imagination muscles.

  • Encourage relaxation and restful sleep

In just six minutes, reading can reduce stress levels by 68 percent, according to one study. It’s more relaxing than listening to music or drinking a cup of tea.

Some sleep experts warn that using any electronic device before bed can rob us of a good night’s sleep because the light from the screen halts production of sleep-producing melatonin. They recommend shutting TVs, laptops, PDAs, and cell phones off an hour before bed. Reading together by lamplight is a perfect, relaxing, sleep-friendly pre-bedtime activity.

  • Allow parents to reread favorites and explore new titles

It’s been fun to revisit many of my favorite children’s books with my kids and to discover new titles. Our kids explore the world through books, so we’re especially excited to read more diverse books.

Here are some popular kids’ book series to read aloud as a family:

  • Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis
  • Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
  • Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and its sequels by Judy Blume
  • Henry Huggins or Ramona Quimby series by Beverly Cleary
  • The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R Tolkein
  • The Mysterious Benedict Society trilogy by Trenton Lee Stewart
  • Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull
  • Magic series by Edgar Eager

And here are some diverse, contemporary middle-grade books to read aloud as a family:

  • George by Alex Nino
  • Front Desk by Kelly Yang
  • Marcus Vega Doesn’t Speak Spanish by Pablo Cartaya
  • Charlie and Frog: A Mystery by Karen Kane
  • Ana Maria Reyes Does Not Live in a Castle by Hilda Eunice Burgos
  • Zoe in Wonderland by Brenda Woods
  • Lily and Dunkin by Donna Gephart
  • Eagle Song by Joseph Bruchac
  • Wonder by R.J. Palacio
  • The Misadventures of the Family Fletcher by Dana Alison Levy

Tips for creating a family reading tradition

  1. Get comfortable. Pull out the pillows, drop into your sofa, or stretch out on your porch swing or Adirondack chairs. Make some snacks and cuddle. Family reading time shouldn’t be a chore. It should be a fun, relaxing leisure activity that everyone in the family looks forward to.
  2. Choose fun books with engaging story lines. Don’t feel like you need to plow through the classics. If you’re struggling to find a good book, go talk to your local children’s librarians. They read a lot, and they have loads of resources to help you find the perfect book. They can help you discover new authors who write like your favorite authors, find books in a particular genre, and access lists of award-winning books.
  3. Be dramatic – Create voices, read expressively, and practice your pacing. Show your kids that books can be even more entertaining than TV. If you need some inspiration, pick up some audio books at your local library and learn from experts at reading aloud.
  4. Give everyone a turn reading. When kids are old enough, let them take turns running the show.
  5. Get creative. Incorporate crafts, drama, or puppetry into what you’re reading. When I was in third grade, my dad read Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey aloud to my sister and me. Those may sound like ambitious books for elementary school kids. But we followed along and loved every second of it, partly because he encouraged us to make costumes and act out scenes. For the Iliad, I played Hector and my sister played Achilles, and we spent weeks making swords and armor for the big battle scene. (I wish someone had told me how that ended before I chose to be Hector.) I still have an intimate connection with those two books. Years later, I aced the grueling exam on the Iliad in my freshman college literature class.
  6. Entertain younger kids. One of the challenges of reading as a family is appealing to different age groups. Pick a book that engages most of the family, and provide special toys for younger kids to play with just during reading time. Babies and younger kids benefit from seeing and hearing parents and siblings having fun reading, even if the story line eludes them. (Of course, they’ll need some additional one-on-one time to read books at their own level too.)
  7. Read together because it’s fun, not because it’s good for you. Resist the temptation to make everything into a lesson for your kids. Talk about what you read, but don’t drill them with questions.
  8. You don’t need kids to have fun reading aloud. My husband and I read aloud to each other long before we had a baby. Some couples read books on marriage or tackle religious texts. We stuck mostly to short stories and novels. Reading aloud is an entertaining way to spend time with anyone you love.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy these related posts:

[Editor’s note: This is a revamped and updated version of a post originally published on July 21, 2009.]

Does your family have a reading tradition? When and what do you like to read aloud together?

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How To Learn Anything

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A few months ago, I said “shoes” in a conversation with my husband, and one-year-old Ira appeared in the doorway carrying his Stride Rites. That’s when we realized he can understand everything we say. It seemed to happen overnight.

Every day Ira learns a new word or two. “Doggy, doggy, doggy,” he squeals as the neighbors’ poodle trots over. “Bawk bawk,” he calls to the hens. Meanwhile, he’s guiding himself through a crash course in running, climbing, and riding a strider bike.

Four-and-a-half-year-old Ezra is teaching himself how to read, write letters, draw, paint, ride a scooter, and take photographs.

It begs the question, is it easier for kids to learn new things?

Scientists used to think so, especially when it came to language acquisition.

But new research in neuroplasticity suggests otherwise. It turns out our brains optimize themselves throughout our lives, reorganizing sometimes in dramatic ways, like after someone has a stroke.

That’s great news if you’ve always wanted to learn a second language or become a painter. If you put some effort into it, you can probably do it.

Here’s a little example from my life:

When I was about five, my best friend and I put on a concert for our moms. We sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”

When we were done, both of our moms applauded.

“He’s a natural,” my mom said, beaming at my friend. My friend was undeniably musically gifted. He went on to later sing in a band.

I, on the other hand, sounded a little bit like a wounded tabby.

Into adulthood, I struggled to stay on key even when I was singing along to my favorite songs. By the time I reached 30, I figured I should erase singing, at least in public settings, off my list of past times. Most people who heard me politely agreed. Read: my husband.

Then Ezra was born. When he was about a month old, I was pacing up and down the hallway in the middle of the night rocking him as he wailed. On a whim, I sang a lullaby I halfway remembered my mom singing to me.

Ezra grew instantly quiet and gazed at me.

Singing, it turns out, is a maternal super power. So, of course, I was going to continue singing even if I needed to buy a case of earplugs for my husband and cats. I crooned the same lullabies over and over — at naptime, in the car, at bedtime.

A few months later, after I (coincidentally) finished singing” Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” my husband grinned. “You taught yourself to sing.”

He was right. For the first time in my life, I could hold a tune. Effortlessly.

What had changed?

I’d paid attention to it.

As I’ve written before, we often forget the astonishing power of our attention. Paying attention to something invariably transforms it.

“Whatever you pay attention to thrives; whatever you don’t pay attention to withers and dies,” Karen Maezen Miller writes.

We tend to pay attention to what we’re interested in.  So if you’ve always wanted to learn something and haven’t yet, maybe it’s time to ask yourself whether you’re really interested in it.

Or, you could try to find a screaming infant who loves the sound of Spanish verb conjugation or PBS painting shows.

Have you  learned to do something new lately? Do you want to? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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The Riddle of Parenting

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I really need it.” – Swedish proverb

“Watch what I can do,” four-year-old Ezra says as he pushes his bike to the top of a grassy hill near our house.

He gets on his bike and grips the handlebars. I open my mouth to warn him to be careful. The grass is wet; the leaves at the bottom might be slippery; a different route could be wiser. Instead I smile.

Ezra stares at me. “Isn’t there anything you’re concerned about?”

I shake my head, and he speeds down the hill with a huge grin on his face. It’s one of the many parenting lessons in store for me this day.

I’d planned to work all day. In the morning, I sat down to write a blog post about parenting. Recently I read about a mom’s commitment to parent without punishment, rewards, and bribes, which got me thinking about how often parenting can feel like a Zen koan – paradoxical, non-intuitive, riddle-like. Like when all of my instincts tell me to yell or chastise or hide in the closet, even though I really should do just the opposite.

Like a Zen koan, parenting also enlightens us in that way that something that challenges, frustrates, and makes you nearly crazy forces you to grow. As I pondered all of this, I happened upon an article about love bombing children via the blog Little Eco Footprints.

The idea, formulated by psychologist Oliver James, is that paradoxically when a kid is behaving badly, and our instincts say that we should enforce limits and insist on obedience, it’s often more effective to something radically different. James advises designating a set time — a day or weekend — to let the kid be in control of where you go and what you do while showering him with love.

James explains, “You may be thinking: Is he mad? My child is a tyrant – rewarding him like that is just going to make it even worse! This is understandable. Love bombing seems to fly in the face of conventional wisdom, which often recommends more control, not less, when a child is not complying, and stricter, firmer reactions to undesirable behavior.” James insists he’s seen dramatic results from love bombing, that it’s transformed his young patients who are struggling with violent aggression, anxiety problems, ADHD, and other issues.

James’ idea resonated with me. You see, I’ve been thinking about parenting quite a bit, not just because I am one, but also because I lost one of mine this year. My dad’s birthday is today. He would be 62, but he passed away in June.

I’m fairly certain my dad never read a parenting article or book, and he didn’t seem to carry around the angst about raising kids that my generation seems to specialize in. But my dad had his own version of the love bomb. During the fall months, he pulled my sister and me out of school on Friday afternoons, so we could hike as a family amongst the changing aspen leaves. He loved helping us with homework, and playing board games with us, and he was just plain interested in who we were. He was one of the best listeners I’ve ever met. Since he died in June, I think about him nearly every moment of every day, and I miss him terribly.

So when I read about love bombing and remembered all of the times my dad – a busy, self-employed writer — abandoned a day of work to hang out with me, I knew just what I should do in honor of his birthday: pay forward some of that love to my four-year-old son.

“It’s super special Ezra and Mama Day,” I told Ezra. “We can do whatever you want.” His face lit up.

We headed to the coffee shop to drink juice and eat donuts. Then we went to the stream, made a boat out of sticks and rope, and watched it float down. Then we rode our bikes to the park and played.

Not surprisingly, when I let my son do all of the leading, all the deciding, all of the telling, we had a lot more fun than if I’d been in charge. I also learned a lot. Yes, it’s important to eat healthy food. But sometimes it’s better just to eat whatever you want and enjoy it. Yes, it’s good to get places. But sometimes it’s better to just ride your bike in circles. Yes, it’s important to work. But sometimes it’s better just to spend a day connecting with the people you love. Because really, why not?

[clickToTweet tweet=”Is your child misbehaving? It may be time for a love bomb. #parenting” quote=”Is your child misbehaving? It may be time for a love bomb.” theme=”style1″]

Related posts:

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass #parenting

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A Snapshot of Parenting in America

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Percentage of women between the ages 40 and 44 who’ve had a biological child (2010):

83

In 1990, the percentage of women between the ages 40 and 44 who’d had a biological child:

90

Percentage of men between who’ve had a biological child by age 40 (2010):

76

Percent drop in the birth rate between 2007 and 2010:

7

Average age of a first-time mother in 1970:

21.4

Average age of a first-time mother in 2008:

25.1

Percentage of babies born to unmarried mothers in 1980:

18

Percentage of babies born to unmarried mothers in 2011:

40

Percentage of kids who were adopted (2000):

2.5

Number of kids in the foster care system awaiting placement with a family (2011):

104,236

Percentage of kids being raised in a two-parent home (2011):

69

Percentage of kids living in poverty (2011):

22

Percentage of married moms who stayed at home with their kids in 1969:

44

Percentage of married moms who stayed at home with their kids in 2010:

26

Percentage of dads who stayed at home with their kids in 2010:

0.8

Percentage of kids ages 0 to 4, who have a working mother and are enrolled in center-based child care (2010) :

24

Average cost per year for center-based child care in Massachusetts, the most expensive in the nation (2010):

$15,000

Percentage of children between ages three and five who were read to every day in 2005:

47

Percentage of children between ages three and five who were read to every day in 2007:

40

Percentage of parents who believe it is okay to spank their children:

67

Percentage of parents who admit to spanking their children:

50

Percentage of parents who think it is okay for a grade-school teacher to spank a child:

26

(Click on the hyperlinks to see the sources for the statistics.)

This is part of a New Urban Habitat series: Snapshots of America:

  1. A Snapshot of Car-Usage in America
  2. A Snapshot of Education in America
  3. A Snapshot of Waste in America
  4. A Snapshot of Food in America
  5. A Snapshot of Time in America

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Happy News

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As spring blossoms around us, we’re anticipating an exciting change for our little family. We’re expecting another baby, due at the end of August.

It feels entirely different than the first time, mostly because there’s much less research and preparation involved this go around. We already have an amazing team of midwives, who we’re thrilled to be working with again.

We took a minimalist approach to baby gear last time and found that we had everything we needed, so we’re planning to do the same this time. And since we waited to find out our son’s gender until the big day (and we’re planning to do that again this time), we’re well-stocked with gender-neutral newborn apparel.

Really, all there seems to be to do is wait, mull over names, and devise strategies for keeping up with two little people. Apparently other people are doing it, so at least we know it’s theoretically possible.