Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

Happiness

5 Ways to Make February Fabulous

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“In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to is each other.” – Linda Ellerbee

So maybe I was a tad optimistic in that title. Perhaps I should have stuck with “fine” or “fair”. We are talking about February, after all. I often find this month a bit, well, challenging. All of the newness of the year – the parties, the resolutions, the bowls of black-eyed peas – too often give way to the realization that there are lots of cloudy days and long cold nights to go as my little corner of the earth rotates back toward the sun.

I love winter. It just has considerably more appeal in November, when sweaters,  crackling fires, and root vegetables are still novelties. Apparently I’m not alone. A quick Google search turns up dozens of articles and blog posts entitled, “February Sucks,” lamenting everything from Valentine’s Day to midterms to sinus infections.

But this month, I decided I will not just quietly cope with my February malaise. I’m on a mission to pull February from its shadowy reputation – at least in our house. In August, as we’re sitting outside watching the sun set at nine and eating vine-ripened tomatoes, hopefully we’ll say, “This is nice, but remember February?”

Maybe you can use some February mood-lifters too? Here are five ways I’m hoping to rescue this poor wreck of a month:

1. Plan the Garden

What’s the next best thing to eating those first sweet, crunchy snap peas and juicy raspberries? Dreaming about them, of course. And what better way to do that then to sketch out some garden plans? Last year, planning was my key to gardening success, and I learned a lot from what worked and didn’t work. I’m looking forward to spending some February afternoons with a cup of tea, some gardening books, and my sketch pad.

If you don’t have space or desire for a garden, you could plan some containers for your deck, or a window box, or adopt a house plant. Just glimpsing plants has been found to speed the recovery of surgery patients and improve workers’ job satisfaction. Hopefully plants can help rescue February too, a month altogether wanting for more shrubbery.

5 Ways to Make February Fabulous #winter #seasons

2. Invite someone new over for dinner

We have new neighbors, who also happen to be old acquaintances, and we’ve been meaning to invite them over for awhile to welcome them to the neighborhood. February is calling for a break-up in the old routines. Why not invite someone new over to your house too? It’s the perfect excuse for a feast. Eat. Play some games. Discuss ways to spruce up February.

3. Create something every day

Around this time of year, after all of the baking and the making that comes with the holidays, I often find myself in a creativity lull. Dr. Kelly Lambert might say this explains why February is so challenging for me. She asserts that cooking, knitting, sewing, building, or repairing things with our hands and seeing tangible results from our efforts bathes our brains in feel-good chemicals. I know she’s right. I feel much better when I’m creative. “An art or craft everyday” is my new February motto.

4. Listen to music

Music – notably up-tempo music played in a major key – makes people happy. Research indicates that listening to music we enjoy triggers the release of the natural opiates known as endorphins. And in studies, music has been found to boost surgery patients’ immune systems, lower stress in pregnant women, and reduce complications from cardiac surgery. I know music makes everyone in my house happier, and yet I often simply forget to turn it on. I hereby proclaim February the month of music. We will listen, sing, play, and dance.

5. Start a new tradition

Okay, so I’ve come up with a few ways to improve the next couple of weeks, but what about next February and the February after? I mean, if I’m going to make this a legendary month, we need a tradition that we talk about all year. Should we make valentines? Or truffles? Go on a scavenger hunt? Take off for a weekend getaway? I haven’t decided yet … I’m hoping you’ll share your ideas.[clickToTweet tweet=”Do you dread February? Try these 5 ways to make it fabulous. #winter” quote=”Do you dread February? Try these 5 ways to make it fabulous.” theme=”style1″]

Do you love February, or at least like it? Do you have any fabulous February traditions? I’d love to hear from you.

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13 Aha Moments in 2013

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In 2010 and 2012, I shared the magic moments when I heard or read something that surprised or inspired me. Moments that made me say, “aha.” As we say farewell to 2013, I have 13 more for you:

Cooking might be the most important factor in fixing our public health crisis. It’s the single most important thing you can do for your health. – Michal Pollan

The next time you look in a mirror, think about this: In many ways you’re more microbe than human. There are 10 times more cells from microorganisms like bacteria and fungi in and on our bodies than there are human cells. – Rob Stein

You can find a way to make economic exchange one of the most satisfying, meaningful, and loving of human interactions.” – Judy Wicks

Since there is no “healthy soil/healthy microbe” label that can steer us toward these farms, my suggestion is to ask this simple question: “Does the farmer live on the farm?” Farmers who live on their land and feed their family from it tend to care for their soil as if it were another family member. – Daphne Miller

In Asian languages, the word for mind and the word for heart are same. So if you’re not hearing mindfulness in some deep way as heartfulness, you’re not really understanding it. Compassion and kindness towards oneself are intrinsically woven into it. You could think of mindfulness as wise and affectionate attention. – Jon Kabat-Zinn

“A seed makes itself. A seed doesn’t need a geneticist or hybridist or publicist or matchmaker. But it needs help. Sometimes it needs a moth or a wasp or a gust of wind. Sometimes it needs a farm and it needs a farmer. It needs a garden and a gardener. It needs you.” – Janisse Ray

Thanks to cutting-edge science, we know that happiness and optimism actually fuel performance and achievement — giving us the competitive edge that I call the happiness advantage. – Shawn Achor

I melted, and accepted, and only then could I actually enjoy his presence instead of worrying about losing him or changing him. And this, as I’ve learned, is the best way to be. – Leo Babauta

Analysis of the mid-Victorian period in the U.K. reveals that life expectancy at age 5 was as good or better than exists today, and the incidence of degenerative disease was 10% of ours. Their levels of physical activity and hence calorific intakes were approximately twice ours. They had relatively little access to alcohol and tobacco; and due to their correspondingly high intake of fruits, whole grains, oily fish and vegetables, they consumed levels of micro- and phytonutrients at approximately ten times the levels considered normal today. – Paul Clayton and Judith Rowbotham

The findings suggest that job burnout is “a stronger predictor of coronary heart disease than many other known risk factors, including blood lipid levels, physical activity, and smoking. – Anne Fisher

We also know, more definitively than we ever have, that our brains are not built for multitasking — something that precludes mindfulness altogether. When we are forced to do multiple things at once, not only do we perform worse on all of them but our memory decreases and our general wellbeing suffers a palpable hit. – Maria Konnikova

Over the same decades that children’s play has been declining, childhood mental disorders have been increasing. … Analyses of the results reveal a continuous, essentially linear, increase in anxiety and depression in young people over the decades, such that the rates of what today would be diagnosed as generalised anxiety disorder and major depression are five to eight times what they were in the 1950s. – Peter Gray

The most profound thing I have learned from indigenous land management traditions is that human impact can be positive — even necessary — for the environment. Indeed it seems to me that the goal of an environmental community should be not to reduce our impact on the landscape but to maximize our impact and make it a positive one, or at the very least to optimize our effect on the landscape and acknowledge that we can have a positive role to play. –  Eric Toensmeier

Did you hear or read something in 2013 that surprised or inspired you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Why the Way You Think About Happiness Might Be Wrong

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Photo by Trecking Rinjahi
Photo by Trekking Rinjani

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln

“If I work harder, I’ll be more successful. And if I’m more successful, then I’ll be happier.” This is the way most of us think. But happiness expert Shawn Achor says we have it all wrong.

Our brains are simply too adept at moving goal posts. “You can get great grades in school, but then you have to get better grades so you can get into a better school and then get a good internship and then a good job and then go back to school. And you can’t be happy yet, because then you have to rise up in the ranks, and then your children have to do well.”

The myth that success leads to happiness reflects a broader assumption that our external world predicts our well-being. But really, “If I know everything about your external world, I can only predict 10 percent of your longtime happiness,” says Achor. Of course, most of us know this is true. My friends and I had a great time while living in dilapidated surroundings and eating Ramen during our college years. And you only need to skim through a copy of US Weekly to recognize that mansions, Lamborghinis, and Oscar nominations don’t ensure bliss.

Yet still the meme that success leads to happiness endures, and Achor says it has detrimental effects. “If happiness is on the other side of success, your brain never gets there. What we’ve done is we’ve pushed happiness over the cognitive horizon as a society.”

Moreover, he insists that we have it exactly backward. Success doesn’t lead to happiness; happiness leads to success. “Thanks to cutting-edge science, we know that happiness and optimism actually fuel performance and achievement — giving us the competitive edge that I call the happiness advantage.” Achor cites numerous studies showing that happiness raises intelligence and boosts performance.

So are you doomed if you tend to see half-empty glasses? Happiness is not something that happens to us,” says Achor. He insists we can reprogram our brains to be happier with five simple practices:

1. Write down three things you’re grateful for every day. Your brain will retain the pattern of looking for positive things in your surroundings.

2. Spend five minutes a day journaling about a positive thing that happened to you. Your brain responds the same way to visualization and experience, so you can double your good experiences.

3. Meditate. Focusing on your breath, even for two minutes a day, trains your brain to single-task.

4. Exercise. It reinforces that your behaviors matter, which is a key predictor of success.

5. Perform conscious acts of kindness. Achor advises writing a two-sentence email first thing in the morning praising or recognizing someone in your environment: a co-worker, family member, or friend. A strong social support network is a big predictor of happiness.

Achor warns that no one should expect to be happy all the time. “That’s a disorder.” But by taking the above steps, “We can reverse the formula for happiness and success and not only create ripples of positivity, but create a real revolution.”

Learn more about Shawn Achor’s research:

What do you think? Is it time for us to reverse the formula for happiness and success? Have you reprogrammed your brain to be happier? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Can Money Buy Happiness?

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Can Money Buy Happiness? How to make peace with money. #money #moneymindset
Photo: Aaron Patterson

Money’s a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet. – Henry James

Several months ago, I realized that money makes a lot of people miserable. In our household, paying bills was a source of anxiety, and many of my friends were feeling a similar financial squeeze. An older friend came into a sizable sum of money, but it didn’t exactly bring him joy; he vexed over how he should invest it and whether it would be enough for retirement. Then two close friends got into a feud – and I suspected a monetary transaction was at the root of it.

That’s when someone introduced me to the concept of the gift economy, which Charles Eisenstein articulates in his book, Sacred Economics. His contention is that money has “contributed to alienation, competition, and scarcity, destroyed community, and necessitated endless growth.”

“One of the things I talk about,” says Eisenstein in a beautiful film about the book, “is the sense of wrongness that I had as a child. I think most kids have some sense that it’s not supposed to be this way. For example, that you’re not supposed to actually hate Monday and be happy when you don’t have to go to school. School should be something that you love. Life should be something that you love.“

Eisenstein and other gift economy proponents argue it’s time for us to move toward a non-monetary economy.  “We didn’t earn any of the things that keep us alive or that make life good. … We didn’t earn being able to breathe. We didn’t earn having a planet that can provide food. We didn’t earn the sun. So I think that on some level people have this in-born gratitude. … In a gift economy, it’s not true the way it is in our money economy that everyone’s in competition with everyone else. In a gift economy when you have more than you need, you give it, and that’s how you receive status.“

Gift economics is compelling, and Sacred Economics, the book and film, are worth exploring. The Creative Commons, wikis, and open source are examples of successful gift economies in action, and I’m sure we’ll see many more in the future. Eisenstein says he tries to bring the ideal of a gift economy into his own life by, for instance, letting people pay whatever they wish for the materials he self publishes.

The chain Panera Bread has famously experimented with pay-what-you-can ideas, and locally, a few institutions are experimenting with gift economics. “We don’t sell anything,” the founder of a non-profit school told me. They do, however, actively fund-raise for monetary donations, which begs the question of how removed these institutions are (or can be) from the money economy.

On a personal level, I fear turning away from money would be as dysfunctional as chasing it. The gift economy seems to reflect something that many of us feel – an inner ambivalence about whether it is “good” to make money, to spend it, and to have material things. But money is here to stay. The question is: can making and spending it be a source of good in the world and in our lives?

Judy Wicks insists it can. I recently reviewed her memoir Good Morning, Beautiful Business for YES! Magazine. She opened Philadelphia’s famous White Dog Cafe, one of the first restaurants in the nation to feature local, organic, and humane food. The business made millions, which Wicks used to create sustainable business networks and build local economies across the country. “You can find a way to make economic exchange one of the most satisfying, meaningful, and loving of human interactions,” she writes.

Wicks inspired me to think about how I can transform earning, saving, and spending money into a more satisfying, joyful, and meaningful part of my life. To that end, I’ve been taking a moment when bills arrive to connect them with what I’m paying for. For instance, as I examine our electricity usage or mortgage bill, I remind myself of our warm, cozy, comfortable home, which brings us ample joy. I’m already noticing a new emotion arising when the postman drops off a stack of bills – gratitude.

I’ve also been exploring how I can use money to make the world better, even if in a micro way. I’m budgeting a little cash every month to give away anonymously. What a powerful exercise! I’m amazed by how hard it is to let go of cash. But it feels fabulous to use money, which is so often a source of discontent, to spread a little joy.

There’s no question that money and the pursuit of it causes a lot of misery and devastation in the world, but I hope I’m on my way to a healthier, more joyful relationship with it in my own life.

If you liked this post, you may enjoy these:

Do you feel conflicted about making and spending money? Have you found ways to make money a satisfying, joyful, and meaningful part of your life? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Just One Small Change

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When I was writing my New Year’s Resolutions series, I went on the lookout for simple and inexpensive ways we might live better in 2010. And it struck me how much we might be able to improve our lives by making just one small change.

For instance what if someone committed to a daily walk? That alone could bring better health, relaxation, improved sleep, connection with neighbors, and more quality time with family. And if the walk replaced a car trip, it could even save some money. Every small change I thought of had a similar snowball effect.

Recently I heard an interview with William Wittman, a life coach in Seattle. He talked about an easy daily exercise that he recommends to his clients and insists he’s seen it bring huge changes to people’s lives. He calls it “Owl Ears and Owl Eyes”. The idea is to go outside first thing in the morning, stand still, and look up, down, and side to side without moving your head while listening closely to the sounds around you, first the loud ones, then the quieter ones.

Wittman says that by connecting with nature like this first thing in the morning, we connect with what’s meaningful in the world. And by focusing on looking and listening, we can’t help but quiet our mental chatter and relax. He says he’s seen this one small change motivate people to get healthy, find fulfilling work, reach out to friends, and on and on.

I think Wittman might be on to something. Awhile ago my neighbor put down black plastic over the garden in his backyard, which attracted ducks – sometimes sixty of them at a time. And now each night the ducks circle over our neighborhood in groups of four or five, flying lower and lower until they’re just overhead. (I wrote about it before here; my neighbor has since built a pond for the ducks.)

I’ve been shocked at how much this random, natural (and free) event has improved my family’s quality of life. Most nights we go outside to watch the ducks, and we chat with our neighbors, connect with nature, and enjoy each other’s company. Just one small change really has added up to so much more.

(Originally posted on March 16, 2010)

What do you think? Has one small change ever made a big difference in your life?

Depression-Proof Your Life

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How to depression-proof your life. #mentalhealth #happiness
Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Is depression a disease of modernity? That’s what Dr. Stephen S. Ilardi, a clinical phsychology professor at the University of Kansas, argues. According to Ilardi, depression was almost unheard of in traditional aboriginal cultures, and the depression rate in 1900 was around one percent. Yet today 23 percent of Americans will suffer major depression during their lifetimes, and the number is increasing.

Depression can be a crushing, debilitating disease. Ilardi, who works with depressed patients, writes that it “robs people of their energy, their sleep, their memory, their concentration, their vitality, their joy, their ability to love and work and play, and—sometimes—even their will to live.” And unfortunately, despite the hope and hype of the last few decades, the majority of patients who are clinically depressed do not find lasting, permanent relief with anti-depressant medications.

Frustrated by the failure of current treatments, Ilardi poured through voluminous research looking for what might be psychologically toxic about our lifestyles and came to the conclusion that, “Our bodies were never designed for the sleep-deprived, poorly nourished, frenzied pace of twenty-first century life.” In Ilardi’s book The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression Without Drugs, he outlines six lifestyle changes, which he says have helped a great number of his patients beat depression. And he’s convinced that the following program will help everyone  – depressed or not.

1. Physical Exercise

According to Ilardi, it takes a surprisingly low dose of exercise to fight depression. In one study just 30 minutes of brisk walking three times a week relieved depression as well as Zoloft in the short-term and better in the long term.

2. An Omega-3 Rich Diet

Our ancestors consumed Omega 3’s and Omega 6’s in roughly equal measures. Omega 6’s promote inflammation; Omega 3’s are anti-inflammatory and the building blocks for our brain tissue. According to Ilardi, “In the past century, our dietary balance of omega 6’s and omega 3’s has shifted so far out of balance that it now stands among Americans at 16 to 1 … it has a profound implication for our physical health and unfortunately for our psychological well-being as well.”

Ilardi recommends that people consume more  nuts, fish, and vegetables and less processed food for long-term prevention and treatment of depression. But he says a high dose of Omega 3’s can help severely depressed patients restore their balances more quickly; he suggests about 1,000 of EPA a day (usually about 6 capsules).

3. Engaging Activity

Depressed people often have a tendency to “ruminate”, or brood and dwell on negative thoughts. Ilardi says we are hard-wired to mull things over and that can be a good thing, but it becomes toxic if we let it go on to long. He advises that people consciously notice when they’re ruminating, and make a decision to redirect their attention to an engaging activity after a set amount of time. He suggests conversation (about another topic), social activity, reading, or going online, but cautions against watching television, warning that it’s not mentally engaging enough to distract us.

4. Natural Sunlight

Ilardi says natural sunlight , which can be 100 times brighter than any sort of indoor lighting, is where we’re designed to spend most of our time. We have specialized light receptors in the back of our eyes, which control the biological rhythms in our brains. So when we don’t get outside enough, our body clocks can get out of sync. Ilardi says bright outdoor lighting can have an instant short-term anti-depressant effect and a more lasting effect within seven days.

5. Ample Sleep

Ilardi points out that sleep disturbances or deprivation precede depression in about 85% of patients. He says that although we all need about eight hours of restorative sleep a night, the average American only gets about six and a half hours. He advises that people go to bed at the same time every night and turn off overhead lights and screens at least an hour before bed.

6. Social Connection

In an interview, Ilardi said:

When anthropologists spend time with aboriginal peoples, one of the very first things they almost always comment on is that these are folks who spend so much time with their loved ones that they almost have no concept of privacy the way we do. I tend to think that is the default setting for the human brain and human psyche. I believe it’s time that we start living as Americans as if relationships are the things that matter to us the most, not  our achievement, not our possessions, not our money.

You can listen to that interview with Dr. Stephen S. Ilardi on The People’s Pharmacy here.

(If you liked this post, you may be interested in Is Knitting Better Than Prozac? about Dr. Kelly Lambert’s research.)

What do you think about Dr. Ilardi’s lifestyle approach to preventing and treating depression?

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