• Skip to content
  • Skip to footer

Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

  • Home
  • About
  • Writing Samples
  • Testimonials
  • Contact

Slow Parenting

10 Aha Moments in 2010

By Abby Quillen

You know that feeling you get when someone says or writes something far better than you could have? I love that feeling. Here are 10 of the more memorable times it happened to me in 2010:

When anthropologists spend time with aboriginal peoples, one of the very first things they almost always comment on is that these are folks who spend so much time with their loved ones that they almost have no concept of privacy the way we do. I tend to think that is the default setting for the human brain and human psyche. I believe it’s time that we start living as Americans as if relationships are the things that matter to us the most, not  our achievement, not our possessions, not our money. – Dr. Stephen S. Ilardi

Frugality is not the same thing as cheapness … Frugality is the exact opposite. Frugality is an embracing of quality. It’s an embracing of experiences. It’s really trying to look at, what are we spending our money on? Why are we spending this money? – Chris Farrell

For the privileged, the pleasure of staying home means being reunited with, or finally getting to know, or finally settling down to make the beloved place that home can and should be, and it means getting out of the limbo of nowheres that transnational corporate products and their natural habitats—malls, chains, airports, asphalt wastelands—occupy. It means reclaiming home as a rhythmic, coherent kind of time. – Rebecca Solnit

What’s really sad to me is not that people don’t send their kids out to play [anymore]. Let’s be clear what we’re talking about: get up in the morning, walk out the door, say, “Bye Mom,” and don’t come back ‘til dinnertime. And your mom has no idea where you are, or who you’re hanging out with, or what you’re doing. It’s just not an issue. That’s the kind of freedom we’re talking about. And what’s sad is not just that my kids don’t get that, that I don’t let them do that, that I don’t feel like it’s possible anymore somehow, but if I did … and when we do send our kids outside, there’s no one out there to play with. They’re just in this deserted moonscape, where something terrible happened to all the children, and they’ve been taken away. Where are they all? They’re all inside. It’s not right, and I think we know it’s not right, and I think it’s a persistent source of guilt for parents. – Michael Chabon

Whatever work I am doing –  editing a magazine or lecturing or whatever other work I am doing – I never hurry. … I say, there’s plenty of time. I don’t feel any kind of stress or strain when I do something. I do slowly, and I do with love and with care, and that way I can live a simple and slow life. I do only one thing at a time, and when I’m doing that thing, I do only that thing. – Satish Kumar

Somewhere along the line, I had stopped believing the evidence that was before me and started believing one of the central myths of modern American culture: that a family requires a pile of money just to survive in some sort of comfort and that “his and her” dual careers were an improvement over times past. – Shannon Hayes

I’m critical of these focuses on individual lifestyle changes, you know it’s our fault that there’s global warming because we didn’t ride our bike, or we didn’t recycle, or we didn’t carry our own bag to the store. Of course I think we should do all those things and we should definitely strive to live as low impact as possible. But we’re operating within a system where the current is moving us toward greater ecological devastation. So these individual actions that we can do, it’s kind of like getting better and better at swimming upstream. …. Rather than nagging our friends to take public transportation even if it takes five times as long and costs twice as much money, let’s work together to get better public transportation, so that the more ecological action is the new default. We need to make doing the right thing as easy as falling off a log… – Annie Leonard

We are so used to being in our metal-and-glass boxes that we forget how wonderful the rain is. And when the weather is good, cars isolate you from that. You don’t get to feel the sun on your shoulders, the wind in your face, the fresh smell of licorice when you pass a certain plant, see the squirrels dart past or the ducks mock you with their quack. – Leo Babauta

This is an increasingly noisy era — people shout at each other in print, at work, on TV. I believe the volume is directly related to our need to be listened to. In public places, in the media, we reward the loudest and most outrageous. People are literally clamoring for attention, and they’ll do whatever it takes to be noticed. Things will only get louder until we figure out how to sit down and listen. – Margaret J. Wheatley

Thus began my “secular Sabbath” — a term I found floating around on blogs — a day a week where I would be free of screens, bells and beeps. An old-fashioned day not only of rest but of relief. … Once I moved beyond the fear of being unavailable and what it might cost me, I experienced what, if I wasn’t such a skeptic, I would call a lightness of being. I felt connected to myself rather than my computer. I had time to think and distance from normal demands. I got to stop. – Mark Bittman

* Don’t forget, tomorrow is the first day of winter and the shortest day of the year. The solstice this year coincides with a full moon – a rare event. (The next time it will happen is on December 21, 2094.) And this year there will also be a total lunar eclipse on the winter solstice starting at 1:33 A.M. eastern standard time. It’s a special day for so many reasons. You can find simple ways to celebrate here.

Who or what inspired you this year?

Save

December 20, 2010Filed Under: Simple Living Tagged With: Anti-consumerism, Car-Free Living, Children in Nature, Connecting with Nature, Digital Sabbath, Environmentalism, Free-Range Parenting, Frugality, Listening, Living Locally, Quotations, Radical Homemaking, Rest, Simple Living, Slow Family Living, Slow Parenting, Take Back Your Time

Resolve to Spend More Time With Family

By Abby Quillen

Here are six ways to carve out a little more family time.

1.  Share a family meal

Getting together daily to share food breeds family intimacy and bonding and has enormous benefits for children. In “The Magic of the Family Meal” in Time Magazine, Nancy Gibbs writes:

“The more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.

2.  Take a daily walk

Incorporating a regular family walk into your schedule is a great way to bond with your family and get some daily exercise. And if you take it after dinner, it will also aid digestion.

3.  Start a family reading tradition

Carving out some daily read-aloud time for the whole family has many benefits. It creates lifelong readers, develops focus and listening skills, builds literacy skills, breeds the imagination, and it can encourage relaxation and restful sleep. Want to know more? I wrote about it here.

4.  Turn TV time into togetherness time

In a study of the daily activities of 1712 kids between the ages of 0 and 12, the more time kids spent watching TV, the less time they spent interacting with their parents and siblings. Of course, you can use television to spend more quality time with your kids, not less.

Here are a few basic tips:

  • The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV for kids under 2.
  • Restrict viewing time for older kids to 1-2 hours of quality television a day.
  • Find shows that engage your child intellectually or physically.
  • Watch TV together and talk about it afterward.
  • Read aloud about the same subjects your child learns about on TV.

5.  Institute an electronic sunset

If too much television, computer, or video gaming is getting in the way of family time, consider designating a time each night (like 7:00 p.m.) to shut off all of the electronics, phones included.

6.  Plan some adventures

It’s wintertime, and it’s easy to fall into a routine rut. Stave off those winter doldrums by planning some family fun, like a stargazing date, a trip to a museum or aquarium, a nature hike, or a day trip.

Do you want to spend more time with your family? Do you have any tips?

Save

January 11, 2010Filed Under: Family life Tagged With: Family life, Family meals, Family reading tradition, Family Traditions, Slow Family Living, Slow Parenting

Slow Parenting

By Abby Quillen

Childhood is not a race. Embrace slow parenting #parenting #familylife

I took swim and piano lessons and belonged to quite a few clubs at school, but when I think about my childhood, it’s the slowness I remember – infinitely long summer days, conversations with my parents that felt like they’d go on forever, leisurely afternoons of reading, wondering, day-dreaming and playing.

Some of my friends were in gymnastics, soccer, or Girl Scouts. But we all had ample unstructured time in our days. We spent our summers riding bikes all over town, walking to the swimming pool, or wandering in packs from yard to yard until it was time for dinner.

My mom, dad, sister, and I also spent countless hours telling stories, going for walks, hiking, camping, playing board games, and just being together.

And all of those seemingly slow moments added up to something huge – my childhood.

The rise of hyper-parenting

Apparently, in the last 20 years, when I wasn’t paying attention, childhoods like mine went extinct. According to “The Growing Backlash Against Over Parenting”, an article in Time Magazine by Nancy Gibbs, “overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads” has risen to almost comical proportions.

Gibbs writes that parents started buying knee-pads for their toddlers and hovering over their teenagers; protecting their kids from every bump, scrape, and bad grade; and pressuring their children to achieve more and more at younger and younger ages. She writes that modern parents are raising kids who are  “teacups,” liable to shatter with any stress, or “crispies,” already burned out, by the time they get to college.

I can’t say I’ve been monitoring parenting trends over the past few decades. But when I think about it, quite a few of the new parents I know have their infants enrolled in classes – dance, swimming, music, and sign language. And I’ve heard many parents lament that they can’t let their older kids walk to school or play alone in the yard, because “it’s just not the same anymore.” And a college professor I know entertains his friends with nightmarish stories about parents calling to try to get their kids’ grades changed.

The backlash

According to Gibbs, a backlash is brewing against all this over-parenting. Some parents and advocates are calling for a return to the slower, more laissez-faire parenting of my childhood. They’re calling the movement Slow Parenting, Free-Range Parenting, or Simplicity Parenting.

Carl Honore, author of The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed and Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting has inspired many Slow Parenting devotees (although he doesn’t actually use the term in his books). He defined Slow Parenting in an interview with Lisa Belkin for her NYT Motherlode Blog:

Slow parenting is about bringing balance into the home. Children need to strive and struggle and stretch themselves, but that does not mean childhood should be a race. Slow parents give their children plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together. They accept that bending over backwards to give children the best of everything may not always be the best policy. Slow parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be.

And Carrie Contley and Bernadette Noll, who run the blog, Slow Family Living, and hold classes and workshops, write that Slow Parenting is about:

allowing family life to unfold in a way that is joyfully and consciously connected. This means slowing it down, finding comfort in the home, and creating the space to see and honor the family as an entity, while simultaneously keeping sight of each member as a unique and valuable individual.

Slowing down family life

When my son was born a year and a half ago, I realized that if my husband and I continued on the same track, he would not have the same sort of childhood that I had.

My husband and I both worked full time, and we worked opposite schedules. So we would have almost zero time together as a family. My son would be in daycare. Our mornings would a frenzy. We’d be tired in the evenings. And there would be few of those long afternoons making cookies, doing art projects, or reading books, because I’d have to-do lists and errands piled up from the week. My husband and I spent most of my son’s first year rearranging our lives so that we could have a slower, more-connected family life.

So I’m thrilled to read that other parents are questioning whether kids need so many expensive extracurriculars; are stepping back and giving their kids room to play, think, make mistakes, and be bored; and are prioritizing spending good old-fashioned time together.

Do parents need space too?

I asked my husband, who teaches at a low-income highschool, if he’s seeing an epidemic of “helicopter parenting”, and he laughed. “I wish. It’s more often the opposite – parents who never show up, don’t answer phone calls, and don’t seem to care.”

His comments made me think that maybe kids aren’t the only ones who need room to breathe and make mistakes. Parenting is a tough job, and maybe we could do worse for our kids than being too involved.

So while it may be overkill to buy a toddler knee pads, have trees chopped down to prevent a nut from falling into an allergenic child’s pool, or repeatedly rush down to the school to drop off a forgotten notebook, lunch pail, or necklace, as some of the parents Gibbs writes about in her Time Magazine article did, I hesitate to judge. I know first hand, striking that perfect balance in parenting is no easy feat.

But if slow parenting is about striving to be more connected while giving our kids more room to be themselves, those certainly seem like worthy goals.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Childhood isn’t a race. Embrace slow parenting. #parenting #family” quote=”Childhood isn’t a race. Embrace slow parenting.” theme=”style1″]

If you liked this post, you may enjoy these related posts:

  • Learning to Listen Again
  • The Riddle of Parenting
  • Confessions from the Car-Free Life
  • 5 Simple (and Free) Ways to Entertain a Young Child

Childhood is not a race. Embrace slow parenting #parenting #familylife

What do you think of Slow Parenting?

Save

Save

Save

Save

November 29, 2009Filed Under: Family life, Parenting Tagged With: Family life, Free-Range Parenting, Parenting, Simplicity Parenting, Slow Family Living, Slow Parenting

Before Footer

Ready to ramp up your content and see results? Drop me an email, and we'll find a time to chat.

Footer

  • Email
  • LinkedIn

Copyright © 2025 · Wellness Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in