Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

Freelance Writing

How to Surround Yourself with Brilliance

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Photo by Joshua Rothhaas
Photo by Joshua Rothhaas

When I told my dad, a freelance writer for more than 30 years, that I was going to make a go at freelancing in 2009, he joked that I might try “something more remunerative, like looking for dropped change on the sidewalk.” He was exaggerating of course, but he was right that freelancing is not the easiest way to make money. It is, however, an amazing school.

I’ve learned so much from generating ideas, pitching, interviewing, researching, crafting articles, working with editors, and polishing pieces. If I had to pluck out one lesson to share from my freelancing adventures, it would be this: ask more questions.

It sounds simple, but learning how to interview people changed the way I approach everything from my friendships to my parenting to my writing. People love to share their stories. All you have to do is be curious, ask questions, and listen. It’s a sure way to improve any relationship, project, or boring activity. And you’ll likely find out you’re surrounded by fascinating geniuses.

Working At Home With Kids: A Survival Guide

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When I decided to work at home a few years ago, a lot of people thought I was crazy. “You can’t work at home with little kids,” more than a few told me. On occasion (think: screaming toddler, ramshackle house, hungry cats, imminent deadline), I’ve agreed.  The work-at-home parent life is not always easy.

But most of the time I love it. I get to hang out with two charming little boys, spend lots of time outside and in my garden, see friends most days, and write. It’s a pretty wonderful gig. Here are some tricks I’ve learned to make it work if you too are doing the work-at-home life or contemplating it.

  • Divide the day

In the mornings, I do the house chores, including making a healthy lunch and sometimes dinner in advance.  Mid morning, we often meet friends or go to the park, on a walk, or to the library. In the afternoons, I work (during nap and preschool time and when my husband gets home). By dividing the day this way, my kids know what to expect, and I rarely have to multitask home and work tasks.

  • Reprogram your relationship with time

I worked outside of the home for more than a decade, so it took me a long time to shift to a work-at-home mentality. When I was gone all day and got home at 6:30 or 8:30 in the evenings, my main cooking concern was short preparation time. Now, I have plenty of time. So I can easily make nutritious meals that require little effort but lots of cooking time, like beans, grains, and stock. We rely heavily on those staples for most of our meals.

  • Plan, but not too much

For a long time, I made detailed to-do lists every day, which helped me remember everything I needed to do to manage a house and business. Now I’ve mostly gotten the house chores down, and I’ve discovered a new deceptively simple trick to stay on task with work. Right after I wake up, I think of the one thing I want to get done during my work time. I can’t believe how much this helps me prioritize and focus.

I’m also learning when to ditch the plans and take advantage of the perks of working at home. We’ve had some insanely nice weather this spring, and I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to revel in it. My garden is grateful too.

  • Schedule alone time

This year, I started waking up at 5 and going on a run or walk before my family wakes up. It’s completely transformed my days. I savor that quiet time outside (especially now that the sun is up and the birds are singing), and I have infinitely more energy and patience all day long.

  • Fill their tanks

When Ezra went through a hitting stage awhile ago, I discovered a magical solution to almost any behavioral problem. After trying nearly everything else I could imagine, I told Ezra to come sit on my lap for a few minutes when he felt like he wanted to hit his brother. He did, and the hitting completely stopped.

No matter how busy I am, I try to remind myself that it’s easier to give one-on-one attention each morning than to manage the whining, tantrums, and fights that ensue when attention tanks run low. Likewise, lots of outside play and regular high-protein snacks work miracles.

  • Silence is golden

A few years ago, I read an article by a police officer who responds to domestic violence situations. The first thing he does when he enters a house is walk around and turn off all of the background noise. He says usually a radio and TV are blaring. It took me a long time to realize how much noise can affect a household. I listen to a podcast or turn on music for a while every day. When it’s on, I really listen to it. Then I turn it off. We all get along a lot better when we can focus on and hear each other.

  • Turn off notifications

I heard that they design notification alerts to stimulate the opiate receptors in our brains. Maybe that’s why it’s nearly impossible to ignore one when you hear it. I check my email about three times throughout the day. Other than that, I keep it closed. The same is true for Facebook and Twitter, which I allocate a small window of time to each day. Trust me, I learned this lesson the hard way.

  • Beware the learning curve

Managing a house and business and parenting at the same time requires new skills, tricks, and tools. For me, it took about two years to feel somewhat competent, which leads me to my last point and the giant caveat to everything I’ve written above….

  • Be ready for change and setbacks

Every time I think I’ve got the work-at-home parent life down, things change. One of the kids goes through a monstrous (three-year long) bout of separation anxiety. Another gets four molars in two weeks. An editor emails with an amazing opportunity the same week everyone in the house gets the flu. It’s inevitable.

And finally, the most important thing I’d recommend for the work-at-home life is an awesome partner. My husband watches two little boys while he’s getting ready for work most days. Then he gets home from a long work day and usually makes dinner while I work. There’s no doubt about it, he’s the rock star behind this operation.[clickToTweet tweet=”Thinking about working at home with kids? Here’s your survival guide. #parenting #work” quote=”Thinking about working at home with kids? Here’s your survival guide.” theme=”style1″]

Working at Home with Kids_ A Survival Guide #parenting #work #family #workathome

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Do you work at home with kids? Do you have any tricks, lessons, or hacks you’re willing to share? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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Taking a Leap

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I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.  ~Pablo Picasso

When I decided to work at home while taking care of my kids, a few well-meaning older women warned me that I’d regret it. They’d stayed home for a few years and felt bored and isolated. Then they’d spent the rest of their careers struggling to catch up. I listened carefully. They had legitimate points, especially in the age they were living in.

But over the last few years I’ve discovered that we’re living in a new world now.

Today, we can jump on Twitter and chat with writers, editors, agents, magazine publishers, photographers, philosophers, scientists, and thinkers at the world’s largest virtual cocktail party.

We can click over to WordPress or Typepad and publish our ideas to hundreds of people with the click of a button.

We can head over to Google+ and hold a video conference call with far-away clients and colleagues.

And, with an Internet connection, it’s all free.

As you’ve probably heard, there’s also a massive revolution happening in the publishing industry. For the first time in history, we can publish books at home with little upfront cost, sell them ourselves, and have an actual chance of making money.

Or we can turn to Kickstarter and ask our friends, family, and followers to invest in our big ideas.

Of course, with all of this possibility comes responsibility. We must put out our finest work if we stand a chance of getting noticed today. For writers that means mastering, or outsourcing, the many jobs publishers do, including editing, design, customer service, and promotion.

Then there’s the real challenge: fear. We must have the courage to choose, out of a seemingly endless menu of options, what project to work on, which business to start.

But there’s no doubt about it, it’s a thrilling time to be an entrepreneurial person who wants to work at home.

But what of the warnings that staying at home with kids equates to endless boredom, to “long days and short years”? Well, the Internet has simply revolutionized the stay-at-home parent’s lifestyle.

From home, we can take university classes, watch inspirational speeches from the world’s greatest thinkers, network with friends and family across the planet, and access a seemingly infinite amount of information for free.

So the next time someone tells you that your dreams aren’t possible, no matter what they are, remember, we live in a vastly different world than even the one we lived in a few years ago.

Get inspired:

  • Watch an interview with Seth Godin on books, business choices, and life.
  • Explore Open Culture: “the best free cultural & educational media on the web.”

(Photo taken by charamelody.)

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The Empty Table

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mount pisgah fall day 081

My husband and I recently achieved the pinnacle of our domestic lives together. We cleared the counter in our laundry room. It was like jumping into a time machine back to the spring of 2008 just before we became parents. Apparently that’s when we last had time for organizing. Handouts from our birthing classes and congratulations-on-the-new-baby-cards mingled with mail, tools, broken toys, and bits of wayward debris. This tucked-away rubbish pile enabled the rest of the house to look relatively tidy and clutter-free. But occasionally one of us would have to suit up and traverse into this danger zone to try to find something. So finally we spent a morning sorting and shredding, recycling and organizing . . . and we unearthed a glistening, white counter.

As we gazed it, the inevitable question arose: what should we put on it? The bill file? The laundry detergent? Cleaning supplies?

Then, it occurred to us.

Nothing.

If we left the counter empty, we could actually use it for folding laundry, brewing beer, or making crafts. For activities, rather than stuff.

I’m in love with our empty counter. I feel happy every time I see it. So I’ve been on a mission lately to empty tables. My desk. The table in my office. The kitchen table and counters. They’re not always empty, of course. There’s nothing I love more than a table full of food or craftiness. But empty is their default state. And when they’re full, they are intentionally so, because someone’s using them.

I’ve taken this empty-table approach into my working life as well. Working at home means maneuvering around the clamor of family life, which is the best and hardest part of it. When I sit down to work, I have to focus regardless of what’s going on in the wider world of my household. I’ve found it immensely helpful to take a few moments to empty my table, so to speak, by focusing on my breath and clearing away any mental clutter before I dig into my work.

Now, if my husband and I can just tackle the garage.

Have you discovered any household tips or tricks that make you happier? Leave me a comment. I’d love to hear about them.

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Saying Thank You

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Last summer, a writing professor asked me if I wanted to know the key to her success. Her articles and essays appear in a list of impressive publications, including Brain, Child; Orion; and The Washington Post. Of course, I was dying to find out. Was it her sparkling wit, discipline, fastidious proofreading, or some kind of superhuman resistance to rejection? Or maybe it was a brilliant critique circle? Or a special roast of Peruvian coffee?

“Thank you notes,” she said.

Of course, this writer is also creative, disciplined, and persistent, but she swears that thank you notes – like the ones your mom forced you to write to grandma as a kid – are what’s helped her succeed in a hyper-competitive field.

“Doesn’t matter whether it’s through e-mail, on pink scented paper, or via pigeon—a note of genuine gratitude deepens a working relationship with editors,” she explains on her blog.

The same writer makes a point of sending a note of appreciation once a week to another writer whose work she enjoys, saying it helps her form connections with other people in her field.

I’ve taken her advice to heart with editors, and I have no doubt that sending a simple thank you card – whether after a job interview, publication, or event – helps you stand out.  I ran into an editor last summer, who told me mine is the only thank you letter he’s ever received from a writer.

I don’t send a thank you letter to a writer every week, but I love the idea. Ever since I heard it, I’m more likely to comment on blogs or send quick emails of appreciation. I’ve also made it a point to send thank yous for gifts my family receives. They’re so simple, and I’ve found that the practice of writing them breeds gratitude, an emotion psychologists insist makes us happy.

Of course, the best thing about saying thank you is not what it does for the sender, but for the recipient. It’s always great to hear that someone’s genuinely grateful for your efforts.

If you’ve grown out of practice of writing thank yous, it’s easy. Load up on cards and stamps, so you always have them on hand, and write whatever comes to mind. If you’re stuck, brainstorm on what you want to say before you put pen to paper, or check out these resources for tips on composing all kinds of thank you letters:


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Attention Needed

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“Our attention is pure energy. It transforms whatever it comes into contact with,” writes David Servan Schrieber. “Animals and children know this far better than we do. Over and above food, warmth or money, it’s attention they’re really looking for when they come to us. And they bask in our attention like the sunshine….

“The ultimate proof that our attention is valuable is all the money spent on attracting us by advertisers and TV channels. ‘Look at me!’ they scream. Yet we are never sufficiently conscious of the rich resource we have.”

Lately I’ve been thinking about attention, namely the things that I’m paying attention to and the things that I’m not. In the last few months I’ve had significantly less writing time than usual. Too often when I finally get to sit down in front of my computer, I feel paralyzed. Where to begin? My mind zips through a list of ideas bursting with potential and a bigger list of projects simmering on the back burner.

Sometimes I long for a freelance writing coach to step in and help me navigate the push and pull of this work-at-home life, someone to tell me what to squeak into the diminutive windows of writing time I’m able to eke out at the moment.

Of course, there’s no such person. This is my journey. My path. I must decide which projects deserve my attention. The consequences feel weighty. As Karen Maezen Miller writes, “Whatever you pay attention to thrives; whatever you don’t pay attention to withers and dies.”

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What are you paying attention to right now?

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