Abby Quillen

Freelance Content Marketing Writer and Editor

Family life

Finding Beauty

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My photo archives are like a journal of my life. I can spot the periods of busyness, stress, or deadlines by the gaps there. I can also spot the winter months that way. Around November my picture-taking mojo tends to curl up for a nap. I love snapping photos in the spring or fall when the light splashes and dapples across flower petals, leaves, and faces in surprising ways. But the months of gray skies and bare branches don’t seem quite worth recording.

Last week as we were leaving for an ordinary walk around the neighborhood, on a whim, I raced back inside to grab the camera. As I strolled along with my camera, I discovered all kinds of beauty hiding in the muted landscape.

It was a good reminder. As much as I love taking photos, I’ve feared that sometimes the camera yanks my family right out of the moment, that it can transform a hike or a vacation into a pressure-packed challenge to record our lives. Sometimes we’re so busy capturing the waves or the fun that we don’t quite experience them, you know? I’ve also taken some interest in the national conversation about whether our collective obsession with photo-taking might be unhealthy for our kids.

I’m reminded that while the digital camera, like most technology, will probably have some ill effects, it’s an incredible gift. Not only can we forever revisit the impossible cuteness of our kids’ toothless grins. Our cameras help us pay attention to the beauty in ordinary things. Mine will be a more frequent winter walk companion.

Celebrate the First Day of Winter

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“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.” ― John Steinbeck

It’s hard to find words after the tragic shooting in Connecticut last Friday. I am grieving with the families and the community there. As we, as a nation, reflect on darkness, this Friday in the Northern Hemisphere, we will observe the winter solstice — the darkest day of the year. We also welcome back the light and try to remember that brighter days will surely follow this season of darkness.

The frenzy of the holidays may seem like the wrong time to add yet another tradition to your to-do list. The key is making seasonal celebrations simple and relaxing. They can be the perfect opportunity to pause, appreciate nature’s cyclical changes, the lessons each season imparts, and to celebrate the natural beauty all around us.

Here are a few easy ideas for saying farewell to fall and hello to winter on Friday:

Observe

Watch the sun rise and set. Take a walk, hike, or ski trip and notice all of the things you appreciate about winter. For me, it’s the branches outlined against the sky and the thrushes, sparrows, seagulls, starlings, blue birds, and wrens that make this part of the world their home during the winter.

Read

What better time of the year to curl up and share books? A few of my family’s favorite winter-themed picture books are:

  • The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats
  • Owl Moon by Jane Yolen
  • Stella, Queen of the Snow by Mary-Louise Gay
  • The Big Snow by Berta Hader
  • A Kitten Tale by Eric Rohmann
  • Snow by Cynthia Rylant
  • Winter is the Warmest Season by Lauren Stringer

It’s also fun to read aloud from The Winter Solstice by Ellen Jackson. And if you’re in the mood for adult reads, check out this list of Good Books to Read in the Winter or the Independent’s 50 Best Winter Reads.

Eat

Make a seasonal feast, with foods like beets, winter squash, potatoes, onions, kale, cabbage, or parsnips. Prepare your favorite winter dessert or hot beverages. And don’t forget to light candles while you eat, a sure hit for kids and adults alike.

Reflect

When the sun sets, let your house dance with candlelight. Then after dinner, blow the candles out and sit together quietly in the darkness for a few minutes. Reflect on darkness and on how long and cold winter must have felt before we had electric lights and heat.

Other things you can reflect on together:

  • One thing you’ve lost this year and one thing you’ve gained.
  • One thing you want to say goodbye to in the new year and one thing you’d like to welcome back into your life.
  • Some of your best and worst holiday memories.

Wish

Bring an evergreen bough inside and make it into a wishing tree. Secure the bough in a bucket with rocks. Cut leaves out of construction paper. Have each person write down a wish for the coming year on each leaf. Hang the leaves on the tree using a hole punch and yarn or ribbon.

Hoping you have a happy first day of winter.

Do you have your own winter solstice traditions? I’d love to hear about them.

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A Christmas Raft

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We were inspired by Tricia at Little Eco Footprints to make our own version of her “calm and creative” natural advent calendar, so last week we gathered leaves from around our neighborhood, numbered them, and strung them on a piece of twine. Tricia shares all sorts of wonderful “quick and simple activities” to do in the evenings each day. However, I took a quicker and even simpler approach (read: scrapped together at the last minute) and told Ezra that we would “sing a Christmas song, tell a Christmas story, or make a Christmas craft” each day.

He was thrilled at that idea. So the first evening, as we untied our leaf, I asked, “What would you like to do tonight to celebrate?”

“Make a Christmas raft,” Ezra exclaimed.

“You mean a Christmas craft?”

He gave me a funny look.

And that, future house guests, is why we have the oddly strung together chopstick contraption in our bathtub.

I hope you too are finding delight in unexpected places this holiday season.

Here are a few more inspiring ideas for simple and joyful December celebrations:

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A Snapshot of Parenting in America

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Percentage of women between the ages 40 and 44 who’ve had a biological child (2010):

83

In 1990, the percentage of women between the ages 40 and 44 who’d had a biological child:

90

Percentage of men between who’ve had a biological child by age 40 (2010):

76

Percent drop in the birth rate between 2007 and 2010:

7

Average age of a first-time mother in 1970:

21.4

Average age of a first-time mother in 2008:

25.1

Percentage of babies born to unmarried mothers in 1980:

18

Percentage of babies born to unmarried mothers in 2011:

40

Percentage of kids who were adopted (2000):

2.5

Number of kids in the foster care system awaiting placement with a family (2011):

104,236

Percentage of kids being raised in a two-parent home (2011):

69

Percentage of kids living in poverty (2011):

22

Percentage of married moms who stayed at home with their kids in 1969:

44

Percentage of married moms who stayed at home with their kids in 2010:

26

Percentage of dads who stayed at home with their kids in 2010:

0.8

Percentage of kids ages 0 to 4, who have a working mother and are enrolled in center-based child care (2010) :

24

Average cost per year for center-based child care in Massachusetts, the most expensive in the nation (2010):

$15,000

Percentage of children between ages three and five who were read to every day in 2005:

47

Percentage of children between ages three and five who were read to every day in 2007:

40

Percentage of parents who believe it is okay to spank their children:

67

Percentage of parents who admit to spanking their children:

50

Percentage of parents who think it is okay for a grade-school teacher to spank a child:

26

(Click on the hyperlinks to see the sources for the statistics.)

This is part of a New Urban Habitat series: Snapshots of America:

  1. A Snapshot of Car-Usage in America
  2. A Snapshot of Education in America
  3. A Snapshot of Waste in America
  4. A Snapshot of Food in America
  5. A Snapshot of Time in America

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Trusting Our Children, Trusting Ourselves

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“To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves…and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.” – John Holt

“Can I go to preschool all day and only come home at night?” Ezra asked me a few days ago.

I nearly choked on my tea. Ezra had no use for preschool before last week. Zip, zilch, zero. The word itself induced hysterical tears.

In the last year and a half, my husband and I had tried enrolling him at two preschools for a few hours a week. He loved both of them – when one of us was in the room. But the moment we left, he sobbed and cried until we picked him up.

One of the preschool teachers assured us that Ezra would be fine after a few weeks, that many kids had similar troubles adjusting. And it was one of those many times as parents that we simply weren’t sure what was best for Ezra. Should we encourage him to get used to a tiny bit more separation? Or should we listen to his tears and protests?

Both times, we ended the preschool experiment within a week and settled into a long, happy period where we were all relieved to have Ezra at home.

Around then I realized how truly counter-culture home schooling is. Even at three years old, the pressure to begin formal schooling is intense. Every time we ran into another parent of a three-year-old, the first thing they asked was what preschool Ezra was attending. Well-meaning friends and acquaintances lectured us on the importance of “socializing” kids at a young age. The governor of our state campaigned for “Early Childhood Education for Every Oregon Child.”

And yet, it just didn’t seem right for our child.

This fall, we decided to try again for six hours a week at the preschool across the street from our house. Why? Ezra loves playing with his friends. He begs to play with the neighbors every afternoon. He instantly befriends kids at the park. At four, he just seems plain ready for more social activity.

Not surprisingly, within minutes of arriving at preschool this time, Ezra was grinning and running around and making friends. No tears. No terror. And within a week, he was begging to stay all day and only come home at night.

I’m not ready for that, but I’m so glad we trusted Ezra (and ourselves) to know when he was ready for preschool, instead of the calendar or what other parents were doing or what politicians think is best for families. And I’m also grateful that we had that opportunity. I know many families don’t.

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The Empty Table

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mount pisgah fall day 081

My husband and I recently achieved the pinnacle of our domestic lives together. We cleared the counter in our laundry room. It was like jumping into a time machine back to the spring of 2008 just before we became parents. Apparently that’s when we last had time for organizing. Handouts from our birthing classes and congratulations-on-the-new-baby-cards mingled with mail, tools, broken toys, and bits of wayward debris. This tucked-away rubbish pile enabled the rest of the house to look relatively tidy and clutter-free. But occasionally one of us would have to suit up and traverse into this danger zone to try to find something. So finally we spent a morning sorting and shredding, recycling and organizing . . . and we unearthed a glistening, white counter.

As we gazed it, the inevitable question arose: what should we put on it? The bill file? The laundry detergent? Cleaning supplies?

Then, it occurred to us.

Nothing.

If we left the counter empty, we could actually use it for folding laundry, brewing beer, or making crafts. For activities, rather than stuff.

I’m in love with our empty counter. I feel happy every time I see it. So I’ve been on a mission lately to empty tables. My desk. The table in my office. The kitchen table and counters. They’re not always empty, of course. There’s nothing I love more than a table full of food or craftiness. But empty is their default state. And when they’re full, they are intentionally so, because someone’s using them.

I’ve taken this empty-table approach into my working life as well. Working at home means maneuvering around the clamor of family life, which is the best and hardest part of it. When I sit down to work, I have to focus regardless of what’s going on in the wider world of my household. I’ve found it immensely helpful to take a few moments to empty my table, so to speak, by focusing on my breath and clearing away any mental clutter before I dig into my work.

Now, if my husband and I can just tackle the garage.

Have you discovered any household tips or tricks that make you happier? Leave me a comment. I’d love to hear about them.

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